my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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