When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
