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My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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