Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize