I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
