so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How external is "for external use only"?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
