oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
