I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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