Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
what day is it and did you see me today?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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