i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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