I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
