Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
