He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I faked an abortion last night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
