i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
