A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
