I'm gonna have a badass scar
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How naked do you want me to be?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
