We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
