please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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