So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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