we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
