All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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