I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
