nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
