Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
