you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
