ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
