Where are you?
In a non slutty way
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
