I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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