I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
