I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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