Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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