If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
