One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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