i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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