He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
