and my herpes radar will keep us safe
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
