Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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