just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
