You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
