Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
