She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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