yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I smell like Dick and happiness
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