I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
