I take back everything I said about communal showers
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
