dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
whose parrot is this?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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