This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
