Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
