Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
