i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
