Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
