there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
