Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
